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Posts Tagged ‘Process’

An Evening that Didn’t Disappoint – When Experience Matches Expectation

Posted in Disappointment, Endurance, Personal Development, Process, tagged , , , , on July 29, 2016| Leave a Comment »

Memento of my evening with Dr Bob Rotella

Memento of my evening with Dr Bob Rotella

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.” – Romans 8:18-21 (NIV)

Recently I had the opportunity to hear and meet the famous sports psychologist Dr. Bob Rotella.

After reading many of his books and finding help for my own mental health in his writings I was wondering if I should even bother going to this special event which was held at my local golf club. It really was a “once in a lifetime” opportunity but to be honest I wondered if I was setting myself up to be disappointed. What if I make the effort to go along and find just him repeating the same stories and facts that I had been reading in his books?

As is often the case with me I found myself gearing up for disappointment.

As I grow older I often find myself more disappointed with life. My expectations of where I “thought” I would be at this stage of life don’t match where I actually am. The reality of what I can accomplish in life doesn’t match up with my former expectations. Although, I have to admit that many things in my life, because of God and His abundant grace, are actually better than I expected.

It’s another election year in the USA and even though I no longer live in North America it’s interesting to see what expectations are being generated by the presidential candidates. One wonders what disappointments lie ahead – and for whom.

In the passage quoted above from Romans chapter eight, the apostle Paul reminds us that we live in a world packed full of disappointments. The reality of what we imagine “could be” or “should be” doesn’t meet our expectations. Paul says that creation, of which we are a part, is subjected to bondage to decay and frustration and is waiting to be liberated from this cycle.

Until God steps in and liberates us along with all creation, we will, unfortunately continue to be disappointed. Life, and the people who are part of it – including ourselves – will continue to fall short of expectation.

This doesn’t mean that we should take a fatalistic attitude to life and give up, but we move ahead in the grace and power of God knowing that He is the one who gives meaning to life even when our hopes seem to fade.

My evening with Dr. Bob Rotella turned out beautifully. My expectations were more than met. I was able to meet and talk with him for a few minutes before his presentation. We exchanged stories about common experiences and he told me of his opportunity to spend a day in my home town of Fort Worth, Texas with the great Ben Hogan. It was a memory I will treasure into the future.

Dr. Bob, as he is affectionately called, works with athletes of all abilities and walks of life. One of his major themes is that of expectation and disappointment. He well knows that what one expects in a competition is not always the result that one gets so process is much more critical than result. He continually reminds his clients that if they are committed to the process that they can control they won’t be as frustrated by the things they can’t control.

That’s a great lesson for all of us! I’m finding that my disappointments generally revolve around things I have little or no control of and that’s a recipe for more disappointment.

As my evening with Dr. Bob showed me, even though the world is fallen and decayed we will have experiences that do match expectation. But this isn’t guaranteed!

Ultimately for those who are followers of Jesus Christ, we are promised a glorious future that will not disappoint. Until then we live in a twisted world where disappointment will be woven into the fabric of life.

No matter what pleasures we may enjoy this side of heaven only in Jesus Christ will experience ultimately match expectation.

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Reflections on Disappointment: Part 1 – The Seeds of Disappointment

Posted in Adversity, Disappointment, Happiness, Process, tagged , , , , on October 31, 2014| 1 Comment »

“Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.” Romans 15:4 (NLT)

A friend of mine used to say with tongue-in-cheek, “Blessed is he who expecteth nothing, for he shall not be disappointed!”

Recently I’ve been doing some thinking on the subject of disappointment. If I’m honest, deep feelings of disappointment have been hounding me for a long time in these middle years of life. I doubt that I’m unique in this but I find inner tapes playing in my head which repeatedly say things like –

Is this all I’ve accomplished up to this point in my life?

Is the rest of my life going to be all downhill from here?

Why hasn’t my life “turned out better”? (as if I’m a good judge of this!)

Is this all I get after putting this much effort into _______?

In my journal I began to list a number of things that I was personally disappointed about. I then saw certain common denominators surface –

  • Some of my disappointments related to things that were largely out of my control
  • Often I was disappointed by my own choices made in the past and now having to live with the consequences
  • I had to admit being disappointed with God for not coming through for me in ways that I had “expected” of Him

The whole area of disappointment says so much about our inner lives and expectations.

When I was younger I had many “aspirations” but probably not enough goals. When we set our sights on something and yet don’t have a determined plan with personal goals to accomplish them we can grow disgruntled and have many regrets. I’m learning that this is a reminder to set personal goals to reach new targets. It’s all in the process of becoming the person God designed us to be in the first place.

As long as we are alive (and in reasonably good health) the potential exists for us to set new goals instead of living with regrets and disappointment. Perhaps what we need is renewal and refocus when darkness seems to creep in upon us.

Often the good things we expect to come our way don’t materialize and instead we are landed with a set of circumstances that we didn’t anticipate.

We expect good health and end up with illness.

We expect a happy marriage and end up in a difficult relationship or even single.

We expect children and end up barren.

We expect a satisfying job and end up unemployed.

We expect our children to do well and they struggle.

And the list goes on.

We look to our own accomplishments and to people and things around us to give life meaning and fulfillment. When we don’t get what we think we want – or what we expected to have – we become disillusioned. It also doesn’t help when we observe others who seem to be enjoying the things that we so deeply desire and don’t presently have.

After doing a short survey I found that the Bible, my source of ultimate truth, says very little about “expectations” but says a great deal about hope and waiting for God.

I’m beginning to realize that disappointment is a human trait that God uses in our lives. We were definitely created for something “more” than what we are currently experiencing. The Biblical concept of hope is a tremendous antidote to the poison of disappointment.

As noted above the Apostle Paul once said, “Such things were written in the Scriptures long ago to teach us. And the Scriptures give us hope and encouragement as we wait patiently for God’s promises to be fulfilled.”

It just might be that God is there for us more than anyone else and anything else when we experience failure, disappointment and disillusionment. We have far more than we realize in the personal relationship He offers us through Jesus Christ His Son.

Expectations are that in upcoming posts we will learn more about how God uses the disappointments in our lives to bring us to a deeper appreciation of Himself and a different perspective on our place in His wonderful plans.

When we begin to place all our hopes, dreams, and aspirations in God’s hands the potential exists for us to live a different life than we “expected.” I find myself having to recommit to the process every day.

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Make the Process Your Priority

Posted in Process, tagged , on October 1, 2012| 2 Comments »

“Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers” Psalm 1:1-3 (NIV)

We’re seeing more warnings all the time. Our mobile phones are demanding our attention most of our waking hours. We’re quickly learning that they can be dangerous instruments when driving, walking, and performing many other everyday tasks.

It seems obvious to me from this new reality that we humans are not designed to focus for very long on more than one thing at a time. I have been reading reports on “multitasking.” The term describes computers – not humans.

It reflects on a life-lesson that I have found to be of critical importance.  A life of growth toward being a productive, intentional person only becomes a reality by focusing on the process rather than the results. It’s either one or the other. There’s a very subtle but significant difference between them. Results flow from a process. Regardless of the endeavor, we are much more effective as people when we focus on process and let the results flow from there.

As a student of the Bible I see it in Psalm 1. The Psalmist says that the person who desires a life of substance and prosperity focuses on a process. The process is simple, but profound – -spend less time with people who will drain your spiritual and emotional resources and all your waking hours meditating on God’s truth.  He outlines the process that will produce positive results. The person who focuses on the process will, in time, be like a tree “which yields its fruit in season.”  

It may not seem like much to you but this principle has made a radical difference in my own thinking, and behavior over the past several years. I think most of my life I was taught that “results” mattered more than the process by which they were attained. Maybe that’s just what I wanted to hear and filtered the messages. Or perhaps my own impatience for results in my life and work predisposed me toward that conclusion.

This principle is a constant in the world of sports. In almost any sport the participant or team who can focus on the process more than the result most often ends up on top.  In fact when a player gets consumed with the results more than the process that’s when they tend to freeze up and fall apart.

I saw it just this past weekend at the Ryder Cup in Medina, Illinois. The US team had a large lead after two days play and completely went into meltdown on Sunday, giving the tournament to the Europeans. Who was focusing on the process and who on the results? My take on it is that the Americans started looking too much at the fear of losing (results) and abandoned the process that was working for them the first two days. On the other hand, the Europeans stuck to a team game plan (process) and came out on top.

Some years ago I worked closely with some people who had struggles with depression and addiction. I found that they had some positive progress in recovery if they stuck diligently to a plan.  There were some who became more complacent with their new-found results and stopped following the plan that brought them there.  That marked the end of recovery and the beginning of a relapse. When the process was not in focus the results were sacrificed.

In almost everything we set out to do – diet, exercise, learning new skills, or developing a closer walk with God the process should be the focus. If the process is wholesome and healthy the results are most likely to be positive. Whatever goal you may be pursuing in life, make sure the process is your priority.  Who knows, it may just lead to true prosperity – for you and for those you love.

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