“But most of all, my brothers and sisters, never take an oath, by heaven or earth or anything else. Just say a simple yes or no, so that you will not sin and be condemned.” – James 5:12 (NLT)
Actually when you think about it, whether we admit it or not, we all have our limits. During the past couple of weeks I’ve been considering the fact that we have so many limits or boundaries in our lives that we often don’t take time to consider.
Recently a friend and colleague died of cancer at a relatively young age, leaving behind a husband and two children with particular needs. For those of us who knew and loved her we all feel the pain of losing someone who left us far too early. But her life, like all of ours, has limits. We won’t live in these bodies forever, and as a follower of Jesus as I grow older, I’m looking forward to the next one that God has promised me.
In the meantime, like everyone else, I have limits. I don’t have unlimited time, money, patience, emotional energy, and the list goes on. I have limits or boundaries and I’m learning more about them all the time. I often don’t like or appreciate the fact that I’m human and I have to say “no” to some things.
I’ve often pondered why I don’t like to say “no” to everyone’s requests. I think I’ve discovered that I don’t want to disappoint anyone and I want to be helpful to everyone. That’s a lofty goal, but virtually impossible to reach. I’m human and I have to be the first to admit it. I’ve been addicted to people-pleasing for years and it’s a difficult habit from which to break free.
I’m re-reading Henry Cloud and John Townsend’s book, “Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life.” I think this should be required reading for almost everyone, especially people who relate to what I’m saying. One of the key thoughts from the book comes under the section on boundary myths under the question – “Are Boundaries a Sign of Disobedience?”
The authors write, “. . .an internal no nullifies an external yes. God is more concerned with our hearts than he is with our outward compliance. ‘For I desire mercy and not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings,’ (Hosea 6:6) In other words, if we say yes to God or anyone else when we really mean no, we move into a position of compliance. And that is the same as lying. Our lips say yes, but our hearts (and often our half-hearted actions) say no. . . Here’s a good way to look at this myth that boundaries are a sign of disobedience: if we can’t say no, we can’t say yes. . . We must always say yes out of a heart of love. When our motive is fear, we love not.” – pp. 110-111.
As I was reading these words I reflected on what James writes in his epistle, quoted above. There is a responsibility for our lives that God entrusts to us as we stand before Him. We have to say “yes” to the things we devote our hearts to and “no” to what we cannot or must not do. In other words, I have to take ownership and responsibility for what is mine and you must do the same.
This is no simple task and it’s not a pat answer or “formula” that we can plug in to each and every situation. However, my thought and prayer life is much more informed by the boundaries and limits in my life and more importantly, in my heart.
Like everyone else, I’m a work in progress I need to continually guard and watch over my heart so that when I say “yes” I can really mean it – on the inside as well as the outside.
Daily we are bombarded by choices and decisions which are tough calls to make. To what will we devote our time, our energy, our money and our resources? Who will get the best part of our day and our full attention?
As something of a compulsive thinker at times, I can become consumed with trying to make the “right” decision instead of allowing God to speak to my heart and trusting His guidance. I know as I trust Him more fully He will give me the insight and wisdom to say “yes” and “no” and speak from a heart of love rather than fear of rejection or disappointing others. May this bless you on your journey with Him today.
Lessons for Living 