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Archive for the ‘Grace’ Category

Don’t Let Perfectionism Spoil Your Thanksgiving

Posted in Grace, Gratitude, Perfectionism, tagged , , , on November 23, 2013| 1 Comment »

“Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Ephesians 5:18-20 (NLT)

I’m not really a perfectionist . . . I only think like one.

As I write this essay it’s only appropriate that the table I’m sitting at is wobbling because its legs don’t rest evenly on the floor. It’s a struggle to be thankful because I wish I could be perfectly happy and satisfied with myself and everyone and everything around me – all the time!

As the annual Thanksgiving Holiday in the USA rapidly approaches I have been reflecting on the subject of perfectionism and how it so often robs us of joy and thankfulness that God intended us to have. He knows that this is a broken and imperfect world that can never meet or measure up to His holy standards. That is critical to why He sent His Son Jesus to redeem a lost, broken and imperfect world. I am part of that world. You are too.

I honestly don’t remember when the perfectionism bug bit me. I was probably very young. I’m sure if I explored it long enough and talked to any number of my friends who are very competent counsellors they could help me identify the roots of patterns that have come to be lifelong habits.

I’m learning that perfectionism is tied in with pride and has nothing to do with love. When I’m focused on my own desire to achieve perfection in my life and surroundings I’m basically playing a game of one-up-man-ship. Trying to outdo others to meet my own ego issues is completely selfish and unloving. Those are harsh words for someone who’s trying to be perfect!

Pride is a violation of love and perfectionism is pride.

In the verses referenced above the apostle Paul speaks of a Spirit-filled way of living. As redeemed people we can rest in joyful communion with God – singing, praising, and making melody – when alone or with others. In the process he says “give thanks for everything.” 

I think Paul is very intentional in saying that we give thanks to God the Father for everything. We direct our thanks to our Father in the name of Jesus His Son by the power of the Holy Spirit. The PERFECT triune God is involved in every aspect of our lives. For this we should be continually thankful – all the time.

I admit that I often have difficulty accepting the Sovereignty and goodness of God. Thanking he triune God for “everything” can only come from a heart that is grateful for His constant, redeeming, all-encompassing love.

Our pride and perfectionism does not produce fruit in the eternal scheme of things. Heaven is not impressed when we perform on our own stage. We may think that we’re putting on a fine show by our good works, but if motivated by anything other than love for God and His reputation all our best efforts come to naught.

Some have taken me to task on this. “Isn’t a Christian supposed to STRIVE for perfection?”

It all depends on who is doing the striving. When you examine it closely, the Gospel of Jesus Christ is that we are unable to bring ourselves to perfection with self-effort. It’s a faith journey that thrives on thanksgiving, joy and heaven-inspired music.

When I’m caught up in my own pride and perfectionism, I’m far from joyful and definitely not singing and making any music – with my voice or with my life.

Some years ago I was introduced to The Sonship Course. It was originally developed for burned out missionaries but was later adapted for a wider audience. One of the key questions it posed was, “If given the choice would you rather be right or would you rather be loving?” A perfectionist wants to be right. A devoted Jesus-follower wants to experience God’s love deeply and share it with others.

I must admit that most times I’d rather be right than loving when God desires my heart devotion to Him. Everything else, including a grateful heart, should flow from that. Our LORD Jesus is the only one who can be perfectly right and perfectly loving at the same time. Why compete with true perfection?

This year, as always, I’d like to enjoy the “perfect” Thanksgiving holiday – but I’ll settle for a grateful, joyful heart whatever the day might bring. Giving thanks is on God’s menu for us every day and perfectionism always leaves a bitter aftertaste.

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Good Neighbors – A Modern Parable

Posted in Forgiveness, Grace, Happiness, Intimacy, Rescue on August 3, 2013| Leave a Comment »

“The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7b (New Living Translation)

A well-respected man lived in a quiet suburban neighborhood and was known for keeping a luxurious garden. All the neighbors around him admired the way he kept his lawn cut and shrubs and hedges trimmed. He seemed to care for every detail of his garden, particularly his flowers which dazzled with color and beauty.

Most days this man could be seen doing some activity in his garden and although he was a fairly quiet individual he always greeted the neighbors and seemed happy and content outdoors. Many of the neighbors were motivated to keep up their own gardens to a higher standard, but most of them could only admire this man’s accomplishments.

One day, without warning, the neighbors were shocked to see their friend dash out of his house and begin to destroy his garden. The man, obviously shaken and angry, began to pull up the beautiful flowers and wildly cut down his shrubs. He ran to the back of his house and brought out a tiller. He then began to dig up his lawn with wild abandon. He didn’t seem to care that the fruits of years of his hard, dedicated labor seemed to be vanishing in a matter of minutes.

The neighbors were obviously in disbelief. Such behavior from someone so steady and predictable seemed quite outlandish. After the initial shock wore off they started to talk among themselves as to what should be done about this sort of person displaying this type of behavior in their midst. Some of the neighbors said that he should face consequences for his actions. After all it was a peaceful and attractive neighborhood – not a war zone. He had kept a fine garden for a long time and now to destroy it was almost unforgivable.

Others wondered what brought on such bizarre behavior. A couple of them really cared about their friend and found enough courage to approach him, face to face, and ask him what was wrong. They were heartbroken to discover that their friend and neighbor, unknown to them, had been living with significant personal challenges and problems for some years. Outside the house, the man put on a brave face and a confident persona but inside the house he was filled with despair and regret that none of his neighbors ever observed.

The man with the beautiful garden had never opened up to a single soul about the heavy burdens he had been carrying for a number of years. It seems that his garden had been a way to escape from all the pressures and problems of life he faced inside his own home. One day the pressure got to be too much and the only way he knew to respond was by destroying the very thing that had been positive about his life.

Word got around the neighborhood as to what motivated this outlandish behavior. Some of the neighbors continued to visit their friend, and to listen with compassion as he reflected on his life and what was troubling him. Many of the difficult issues of his life even began to be resolved.

Eventually he started working out in the garden once again, re-planting a new lawn and replacing the lost flowers and shrubs.

When the neighborhood returned to normal most everyone was happy to see the gardener back at work, creating something of joy and beauty.

Sadly, some living around him still refused to befriend their neighbor, doubting that he had really changed. They feared that perhaps another attack on the garden would always be imminent. They could never get the picture out of their minds of a man destroying his beautiful garden right there in their own neighborhood.

Still others who were wise and compassionate realized that what goes on inside a man’s house will become evident outside the house. They now enjoyed a deeper relationship with their friend than ever before.

“The LORD doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

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God Sees

Posted in Grace, Intimacy, Positive Thinking on July 27, 2013| Leave a Comment »

“Nothing in all creation is hidden from God. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable” – Hebrews 4:13 (New Living Translation)

“Be careful not to do your acts of righteousness before men, to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven.” – Matthew 6:1 (NIV)

Someone once commented that character is what you are in the dark. Looking back, the times in my life when I’ve been tested the most came on  occasions when I had the distinct feeling that I was alone and no one was “watching” me.

These days the news media in the US is at a fever pitch in reporting political scandals and exposing the men, and sometimes women,  who have fallen victim to immoral behavior. These stories provide late night talk show hosts with more than enough fodder for their monologues and jokes. It seems no one is immune from the public eye these in days of advanced technology.

I can pretty much guarantee that no one involved in a scandal ever went into immoral behavior thinking it would ever be found out or exposed. When men and women get the idea that “no one is watching” it’s incredible the behaviors that will result.

Without realizing it I often wondered myself if anyone was really watching my life and if anyone really cared to.  Through major tests, failure and victory in my own life, I’ve been challenged to reexamine my own theology and just how I was living it out. There was a period of my life when I behaved as if I was performing only for those around me and not honest and open before the God who sees everyone and everything.

The dark was another world where no one saw what was hidden in my life and I thought, quite frankly, no one really cared. Fortunately, God through His relentless love brought me through many trials to bring me to a better place and a clearer understanding of His knowledge of me as part of His vast Creation over which He is sovereign.

When we think we’re all alone, we are not living out the reality of the theology many of us profess. God does see and He exposes the hidden recesses of our lives and hearts.

This knowledge, practically applied, makes a significant difference in how we live. The writer to the Hebrews says, “Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes, and he is the one to whom we are accountable.” I have found that there is both consolation and trepidation in that statement.

The fact that God sees it all should not make us want to run and hide from Him but to draw closer to Him. The one who knows us intimately wants to draw us closer to Him every moment. He has opened the door of access to Himself completely through Jesus Christ His Son.

If you will ultimately be accountable to God then why not be accountable to Him now in every aspect of your life? Is your life about performing for others or pleasing the One who knows and sees all?

Jesus challenges us as His followers not to “perform” for people (Matthew 6:1) but to rest in the knowledge that the ultimate Judge of all men sees our “acts of righteousness” and will be the one whose opinion really matters in the end.

If you are like me, a recovering perfectionist or people-pleaser,  this may be the best news we will ever hear. God loves us because He sees it all, just as it is, and deeply desires to draw near to us, and we to Him.

God Sees. He sees you and everything about your life. How you respond to His knowledge of you makes all the difference in how you will live today.

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Some Advice for Lance – The Challenge to Move On

Posted in Forgiveness, Grace on January 19, 2013| 1 Comment »

“. . . But this one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” – The Apostle Paul, Philippians 3:13b (NIV)

Now a few weeks into the New Year, how are your resolutions coming along? This seems to be the season that we reflect on the past and resolve to live life differently in the days ahead.

As I write this, we are only hours past Lance Armstrong’s televised interviews with Oprah Winfrey. What is clear to everyone aware of his story is that Lance’s actions were not simply those of a man who got turned around and lost on his way to winning seven Tour de France titles. His doping practices were completely intentional and thoroughly covered up. He’s got a lot to answer for and his glorious past is now in tatters.

He was a courageous sports hero, now he faces a greater challenge  – moving on.

How he will recover from this tragedy will be anyone’s guess. My take on it is that Lance, still being a very determined individual, may recover very well. However, gaping holes in his soul will be difficult to fill and there will always be negative public opinion which will follow him – perhaps the rest of his days on earth.

I know from personal experience that Lance’s courage to tell the truth and move on will serve him better than continuing to live a lie – multiple lies at that. Even though our personal victories and failures are not on the scale of a Lance Armstrong or a Tiger Woods, if you and I are honest, there are things in our past that we are ashamed of and would be loathe to tell in public.  Most of us would be horrified to find our secrets and poor decisions being published in the newspaper or  “going  viral” across the internet.

This is why I really appreciate what the Apostle Paul says in the book of Philippians. He’s forgetting what is behind and straining ahead toward glorious things God has in store for him down the road. Look at the wider context in this chapter when you have a chance. He’s not completely ignoring his past, but he’s certainly not stuck there!

On another occasion Paul identified himself as “the worst of sinners” (1 Timothy 1:15). It is worth noting that he is not talking past tense – but present tense. Paul doesn’t minimize his own sin, but maximizes the Grace of God in Jesus Christ. The Gospel – which is the Good News of Jesus Christ is that we have a Savior who went to the Cross for all our wretched failures and offers us complete forgiveness and freedom from the past –  with open arms.

I personally don’t know where Lance Armstrong stands before God and whether he has a personal faith in Jesus Christ. I certainly know that for Lance, the Apostle Paul and all of us sinners, Jesus offers us grace and a glorious future, regardless of the mess we may have made of our lives up to this point.

Jesus Christ gives us the choice today and every day to take Him by the hand, and move on in the best sense of the word toward personal freedom and a glorious future. Because simply put, Jesus Christ is the only one who can take us there.

Perhaps it’s high time that Lance and all of us “move on” –  with Him.

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